Before we began this process I had heard the term 'paper pregnancy' over and over. I thought I understood what they meant, but it hasn't taken long to figure out I didn't fully grasp it and probably still don't.
I didn't know that as soon as we announced our plans there would be a line drawn in the sand. No longer were we just saving, like we had been for the last 2 years, but we were official. Paperwork was being filled out. This was happening. We were officially beginning our 'paper pregnancy'.
When someone gets pregnant they have their own wait times. They wait for their first ultrasound, the first time they feel the baby move, the ultrasound that will reveal the gender, and of course delivery day. While they wait for these firsts there is also preparation for bringing baby home. They know they will be pregnant and have about 9 months to get ready.
When you begin your paperwork pregnancy all you know is you will wait. And wait. God knows the timing, not us humans. There is the application, the homestudy, the submission of a dossier, the referral of a child (or children), and then the travel date. You could have longer than 9 months to get ready. But I also think of a friend I know whose entire process took 4 months from application to 'gotcha day'.
All of that may crawl or parts may happen overnight. It is not uncommon to hear of a family that is notified and has less than 24 hours to board a plane. It is also not uncommon to have a referral and wait months, even years to bring that child home.
I'm finding pregnancy would elicit a YES! response from people. They would know right along with us that we have 9 months to go. They would relate stories from their own pregnancies. Yet, adoption is a whole new ball game. None of us know how long we have to wait. Most people don't have adoption stories to share.
The referral of a child/children will be a HUGE moment for us- probably the ultimate until we board a plane and go meet them and bring them home. We'll be able to tell people about them, show pictures, and even decide on names. We'll find out what special needs our child/children has and research and learn how best to care for them and how it will impact our daily lives. We'll get to know them from afar and watch them grow before we can even touch them. We'll meet people who have walked this road before us. We'll learn patience as we wait. But we will also relieve the highs during milestones such a completed dossier, when the referral comes, and when travel happens.
So, this 'pregnancy' has begun. We may not know how many months we have, but we are announcing that we have children somewhere out there. (Yes, given the ages we are requesting they are most likely alive and waiting even now). We may not have names or genders or ages for you, but much like when someone announces they are pregnant, we are announcing we are going to be bringing home a child or children!! We have to wait for that gender reveal just like parents do who have biological children. We have to wait to decide on names. We have to wait to bring them home, probably more than 9 months, but we can tell you we have children we are preparing for, already loving, and fighting to get home. How awesome (and humbling) is that?!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
What You {Don't} Say
It's a couple hours past my bedtime, and I'm wide awake. Finally got out of bed so my tossing and turning wouldn't bug the man of the house. This after a solid 30 minutes of tears and convo and prayer with him a few hours earlier. This after being reminded (yet again) that my guy is the best.
Adoption is hard. HARD. And we're not even really in the all out battle of it yet. Can I be honest with you all? I feel let down. Discouraged.
I thought people would be excited. I thought (maybe rather ignorantly) that we wouldn't have the silly/stupid/hard/Lord, give me grace to answer kind of questions or flippant reactions. I didn't think we would be dealing with racism and prejudices. I really didn't. I expected one or two hesitant yet happy reactions and that the rest would be ecstatic for us and for children who are fatherless (read that and really let it sink it) that are about to receive a home.
Can I be honest? I told Nick in tears tonight that I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to tell anymore people. I don't want to think about breaking it to a newer church body and people we are just forming relationships with. I don't want to think about conversations that are going to happen with the people who have already shown less than enthusiasm at our big news. I don't want to go to such and such gathering and be subjected to more less than gracious questions or comments. Maybe this will pass. I'm praying it does.
But if I'm being completely honest, let me tell you something else. Not only do less than kind questions or comments sting, but so does what you don't say. Sometimes more than the unkind words.
People who I know would be the first to hug us, congratulate us, like our announcement on Facebook, send us a text and so on to be excited along with us if we were pregnant are silent. That silence is deafening. And insulting. More than I can tell you. These are the people who would be the first to want to keep up with you during your pregnancy, to help you out on a rough day, offer a word of encouragement here and there, bring a meal post delivery, comment on all your pregnancy bump and then baby pictures. Yet they say nothing now. They seem to become chameleon-like and blend into the surroundings.
It hurts. I know I sound like I'm not happy with how anyone is reacting. Like when people do talk they say the wrong things, and when they don't speak I wish they would make their presence known. I don't want the reactions or lack thereof to steal my joy. Yet it is. I can count on less than 5 fingers the people I have talked with face to face who seem genuinely over the moon happy for us. One of them is my husband.
Somewhere out there is a boy or girl or both that already has a piece of my heart. And that piece is growing more each and every day. I can't see them, touch them, talk with them, or even know what is going in their lives. They aren't growing and developing in my womb, but they are growing in my heart at a rapid pace. A heart that feels like it isn't even at home in my body anymore.
The fact is God already knows who these children are. He knows He is going to allow us to raise them. They are His, but we will be His instruments. We'll get to make some awesome memories, laugh and cry, hurt and heal, hug and fight, and hopefully make disciples for Him. Through it all we will be a family.
Cry and laugh alongside us. Pray for us. Rejoice with us.
Adoption is hard. HARD. And we're not even really in the all out battle of it yet. Can I be honest with you all? I feel let down. Discouraged.
I thought people would be excited. I thought (maybe rather ignorantly) that we wouldn't have the silly/stupid/hard/Lord, give me grace to answer kind of questions or flippant reactions. I didn't think we would be dealing with racism and prejudices. I really didn't. I expected one or two hesitant yet happy reactions and that the rest would be ecstatic for us and for children who are fatherless (read that and really let it sink it) that are about to receive a home.
Can I be honest? I told Nick in tears tonight that I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to tell anymore people. I don't want to think about breaking it to a newer church body and people we are just forming relationships with. I don't want to think about conversations that are going to happen with the people who have already shown less than enthusiasm at our big news. I don't want to go to such and such gathering and be subjected to more less than gracious questions or comments. Maybe this will pass. I'm praying it does.
But if I'm being completely honest, let me tell you something else. Not only do less than kind questions or comments sting, but so does what you don't say. Sometimes more than the unkind words.
People who I know would be the first to hug us, congratulate us, like our announcement on Facebook, send us a text and so on to be excited along with us if we were pregnant are silent. That silence is deafening. And insulting. More than I can tell you. These are the people who would be the first to want to keep up with you during your pregnancy, to help you out on a rough day, offer a word of encouragement here and there, bring a meal post delivery, comment on all your pregnancy bump and then baby pictures. Yet they say nothing now. They seem to become chameleon-like and blend into the surroundings.
It hurts. I know I sound like I'm not happy with how anyone is reacting. Like when people do talk they say the wrong things, and when they don't speak I wish they would make their presence known. I don't want the reactions or lack thereof to steal my joy. Yet it is. I can count on less than 5 fingers the people I have talked with face to face who seem genuinely over the moon happy for us. One of them is my husband.
Somewhere out there is a boy or girl or both that already has a piece of my heart. And that piece is growing more each and every day. I can't see them, touch them, talk with them, or even know what is going in their lives. They aren't growing and developing in my womb, but they are growing in my heart at a rapid pace. A heart that feels like it isn't even at home in my body anymore.
The fact is God already knows who these children are. He knows He is going to allow us to raise them. They are His, but we will be His instruments. We'll get to make some awesome memories, laugh and cry, hurt and heal, hug and fight, and hopefully make disciples for Him. Through it all we will be a family.
Cry and laugh alongside us. Pray for us. Rejoice with us.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Just Love Coffee: Impacting Lives One Cup at a Time
If you're that person that just loves a cup of hot, aromatic coffee then this is for you! Just Love Coffee sells fair trade & organic coffees from countries around the world where the need for work is great. Knowing that the workers received honest, fair wages used to support their families is important to me. This helps stamp out the orphan crisis at the very core!
Just Love Coffee is an AMAZING company that also works with adoptive families to help them raise support for their adoption. You buy coffee and the proceeds support our adoption. A bag of coffee would make a perfect gift for that hard to buy for coffee-lover on your list! You would helping the workers provide for their families, helping us raise funds for our adoption, and giving that coffee-lover on your list a gift they are going to drink right up!
Ready to shop?
www.justlovecoffee.com/basileadoption
Just Love Coffee is an AMAZING company that also works with adoptive families to help them raise support for their adoption. You buy coffee and the proceeds support our adoption. A bag of coffee would make a perfect gift for that hard to buy for coffee-lover on your list! You would helping the workers provide for their families, helping us raise funds for our adoption, and giving that coffee-lover on your list a gift they are going to drink right up!
Ready to shop?
www.justlovecoffee.com/basileadoption
Monday, October 21, 2013
We're Adopting!
I tell people the Lord did an awesome thing when He paired Nick and I (for more than a few reasons). We both had a heart for adoption, specifically international adoption, before we even met. We thought we would get married, enjoy our newlywed phase of life for 2-3 years, have a few kiddos, and then adopt as the kiddos got older. The summer of 2012 (before we were even married a year), the Lord began really laying adoption on my heart even more. I began to pray about it, thinking there was no way this could be the direction we headed this early in our marriage. Unbeknownst to me, God was working on Nick, too. We both felt like the Lord was directing us this way and is continuing to do so.
For over a year now we have been gathering information & trying to save money like it's our job (and working a few different jobs to do so). We've prayed and sought counsel. We've had some sleepless nights. There have been some tears. But there has also been plenty of smiles, laughter, and excitement!
Reactions have been mixed. I'm not going to lie when I say this is hard. I just can't fathom why people wouldn't be excited. Two (yes, I said two) kiddos will be given a home and Nick and I will be parents.
We've named this blog SunbeamsAndRaindrops because we know this journey will be HARD, but yet rewarding. Just like any experience or season in life we also recognize that God provides both the sun and the rain. We'll enjoy the sun and take comfort in the fact that rain can grow and heal us.
I know there are several questions floating around in your heads since I've heard them multiple times already.
Where? South America. Columbia or Peru to be exact! This is the plan for now, but we've also heard of families starting the process towards one country only for the Lord to direct another direction. We're both open to Africa and a few other places, too. I told Nick the other day I don't think it is an accident that he is pretty much fluent in Spanish. I need to see that as God's provision.
Cost? Gulp. It's big. Like biiiig. But our God is BIGGER! The average international adoption averages around $30,000-$40,000. Add two to the mix and the cost goes up a bit. We're committed to doing this debt-free since that's a commitment we've made in other areas. Nick is constantly reminding me God will provide. In my flesh it is all TOO easy for me to doubt.We'll be posting some very exciting ways that we think God will use to provide for this adoption soon.
Two? Yes. That is our hope. We see a real need for families to be willing to adopt sibling groups since they are often looked over for one child, especially infants. We also recognize this may not be the Lord's will at this point, but we're walking that way.
Timeline? 2-3 years. STOP. Did you read that right?!? I am not real excited about learning patience and trust in this process, but that is the average time it will take to bring them home. And it is not about me. God is sovereign and He could speed it up or slow it down.
... and the one that can really get under my skin when I see it rolling around in heads... (I'm such a sinner).
Infertility? The short answer we love comes from a Tony Merida message we watched. It's a theology issue, not a biology issue. We could become pregnant during or after this process. We could never become pregnant. We are just following the Lord in where He is directing us now!
We hope you will join with us on this journey by bathing us in prayer and staying connected through this blog. It's sure to be a wild ride!
For over a year now we have been gathering information & trying to save money like it's our job (and working a few different jobs to do so). We've prayed and sought counsel. We've had some sleepless nights. There have been some tears. But there has also been plenty of smiles, laughter, and excitement!
Reactions have been mixed. I'm not going to lie when I say this is hard. I just can't fathom why people wouldn't be excited. Two (yes, I said two) kiddos will be given a home and Nick and I will be parents.
We've named this blog SunbeamsAndRaindrops because we know this journey will be HARD, but yet rewarding. Just like any experience or season in life we also recognize that God provides both the sun and the rain. We'll enjoy the sun and take comfort in the fact that rain can grow and heal us.
I know there are several questions floating around in your heads since I've heard them multiple times already.
Where? South America. Columbia or Peru to be exact! This is the plan for now, but we've also heard of families starting the process towards one country only for the Lord to direct another direction. We're both open to Africa and a few other places, too. I told Nick the other day I don't think it is an accident that he is pretty much fluent in Spanish. I need to see that as God's provision.
Cost? Gulp. It's big. Like biiiig. But our God is BIGGER! The average international adoption averages around $30,000-$40,000. Add two to the mix and the cost goes up a bit. We're committed to doing this debt-free since that's a commitment we've made in other areas. Nick is constantly reminding me God will provide. In my flesh it is all TOO easy for me to doubt.We'll be posting some very exciting ways that we think God will use to provide for this adoption soon.
Two? Yes. That is our hope. We see a real need for families to be willing to adopt sibling groups since they are often looked over for one child, especially infants. We also recognize this may not be the Lord's will at this point, but we're walking that way.
Timeline? 2-3 years. STOP. Did you read that right?!? I am not real excited about learning patience and trust in this process, but that is the average time it will take to bring them home. And it is not about me. God is sovereign and He could speed it up or slow it down.
... and the one that can really get under my skin when I see it rolling around in heads... (I'm such a sinner).
Infertility? The short answer we love comes from a Tony Merida message we watched. It's a theology issue, not a biology issue. We could become pregnant during or after this process. We could never become pregnant. We are just following the Lord in where He is directing us now!
We hope you will join with us on this journey by bathing us in prayer and staying connected through this blog. It's sure to be a wild ride!
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