Not A Fan of Rubber Bands

Today is easily turning into one of those really hard days. I've been told we'd have them. Days that just seem to kick you in the gut and leave you unable to move or at best staggering. After an encouraging visit with a friend & her little joy this morning I came home and started reading other adoption blogs our agency had sent us. Families who have adopted from Latin America, writing about the real ups and downs they have experienced through the process from application to home for several months and walking through behaviors and attachment issues. And it makes me cry.

I don't have it in me to walk this road. There's nothing in me that is equipped for this. (This is where I try to start preaching to myself about God giving me the strength and grace). For the hard, rough, and seemingly unending wait, for the days that I don't know what to do to speed the process, for the waiting on others to do what they need to do to keep the process rolling, for the times I feel powerless to do anything right. There are days I just want to throw the towel in, sit in a corner, have a good cry, and then go binge on chocolate or another comfort food. Cheese would be at the top of my list right now since I have some new dietary restrictions. Or read. Reading would be amazing right now. Yet I don't do any of these. I just keep carving away at the busy pace of life. Feeling like I'm chasing the wind some days. A friend reminded me yesterday I need to remember to take some time for myself after I told her it was refreshing to have a long wait at one of my appointments because I got in a few minutes of reading/thinking time.

We have been SO busy lately. I've been sick, going from obligation to appointment to grocery shopping, working hard on growing my business, and trying to not give Nick leftovers. When we talked at lunch today I told Nick I just need to get out of the house tonight with him and go talk, pray, and reflect. I find that I feel stretched thin in just about every area of life right now and that I have a strong dislike for feeling like a rubber band about to snap. My lovely type-A, people-pleaser personality wants to feel like I am doing just ONE thing perfectly well. Ha! God is teaching me my days aren't mine, the hours in them can't be controlled by me, but yet if I am not intentional that obligations & such will overtake me. Far too often, being busy, even with 'good' things, can keep us from the most important things. Adoption is one of the things that can all too easily get put on the back burner when I'm running from appointment to appointment or doing the laundry, learning new food sensitivity recipes, cleaning, and being a somewhat invested wife.

So our date night tonight (which have been few and far between with our crazy schedules lately) will be a huge relief. Just processing with Nick & getting his input will be a breath of fresh air. Getting out of the house where distractions abound will be good & taking time away from work, household chores, technology (yes, our phones stay away on a date), appointments, making dinner, and all the other things calling my name.

I'll be a bit less like a rubber band after tonight, I hope.